The Life You Wanted vs. The Life You’re Living
Recently, I was listening to an episode of IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Tracee Ellis Ross was a guest, and she said something that caught my attention:
“I did dream of my wedding growing up and that’s not to say that I didn't dream of the bigness of my life. But I could have spent more time dreaming of my life. And as much as grief does surface for me around not having children and not having a partner, I still wouldn't want the wrong partner… at all”.
There’s a kind of grief people don’t talk about enough: the grief of a life that didn’t happen. A dream deferred or that may not even happen. A version of success that no longer fits where you are now.
I know that grief.
Why being the bigger person won’t save you from dysfunction
I saw a post on Threads about how it’s not your job to detox your toxic manager. It’s not your job.
I wish someone had told me this a few years ago — so I’m telling you now.
I had a toxic manager. Who hasn’t? But this one in particular had some deep-rooted issues, and I gave her so much grace, even though she never asked for grace.
In fact, she once told me, “You’re so kind and politically correct, but I want you to tell me if someone on the team isn’t doing what they’re supposed to be doing.”
She basically wanted me to throw people under the bus. I didn’t. Because I wasn’t going to act out of character. My integrity stayed intact.
The Worst Advice I Took During A Transition: “Stick It Out”
I was in a role where shortly after I joined the company, there was a major restructure and my department was disbanded.
I wasn’t impacted by the layoffs as a result, but the role I accepted basically didn’t exist anymore. In fact, this was more than a restructure–it was a complete rebrand. The name of the company on my offer letter was no longer the company I worked at. The department was gone. Yet, my title was the same.
It was a Friday when I found out. I was on my way to a nail appointment first thing in the morning when I got a Teams call from my manager. It was early her time, 5:30 AM, and she usually spent her mornings getting her young boys to school, so I immediately thought that was weird. I told her I was away from my desk and would call her as soon as I sat down.