How “proving yourself” is often at your own expense
Have you ever felt uncertain on how to make a change without risking your reputation or stability? And did you ever overwork yourself to either prove your worth or prove people wrong?
I have.
At one point, I told myself, “I don’t have anything to prove”.
That’s what I told myself after receiving a “poor” performance review. I knew I was doing my job the best I could, especially given that leadership wasn’t… leading. I was basically a scapegoat.
And yet, I still wanted to prove them wrong. If someone’s going to say I’m not doing my job, I want proof. Receipts. Timelines. Show me where I’m falling short so I can adjust. And then we can move on. It’s not that deep… right?
Workplace politics
But there were no receipts. No timelines. No concrete feedback.
Had I known my employee rights at that point, maybe things would’ve turned out differently. But I digress.
What stood out most wasn’t the review, it was my response. Even though I knew my value internally, I still burned energy trying to prove something externally. It wasn’t about validation. It was about the principle.
And if you know me, 99.9% of the time, it’s the principle that gets me.
Principles vs proving yourself
But here’s the hard truth I had to learn: there’s a very thin line between honoring your principles and trying to prove yourself, and that line was very blurry for me.
So blurry that I ended up in the ER, thinking I was moments away from a stroke. My blood pressure had spiked dangerously high.
(Sidebar: I thought everyone had a blood pressure monitor at home. Apparently, that’s not as common as I thought).
Thankfully, it wasn’t a stroke. But it was a wake-up call. A reminder that even when you’re right, the cost of proving yourself can be too high. It can cost you your peace. Your health. Your sanity.
Three things I value more than being right:
My integrity
My peace
My health
And anything that puts those at risk? That’s a price I will longer pay.
You Might Prove Them Wrong. But at What Cost?
Can you relate to that feeling: when someone paints a false narrative about you, and everything in you wants to push back? To defend yourself? To correct the record?
Here’s the twist: I did prove them wrong. But in the kind of ego-driven environment I was in, no one was ever going to admit it. They couldn’t. To do so would’ve meant acknowledging their own poor leadership—and that was never going to happen.
So what did they do instead?
They made assumptions and made up stories. They avoided accountability and were protected by others upholding the status quo.
You know how some people will do everything but admit their role in a situation?
I learned that some people will protect their egos at the expense of your peace. And if you’re not careful, you’ll spend energy trying to make them see what they’re not able — or willing — to see.
The Real Cost of Proving Yourself
That’s the cost of proving yourself: not just time and energy, but your own nervous system.
Now, when I feel that pull to prove something, I ask myself:
Am I standing in integrity?
Am I still at peace?
Is this aligned with who I want to be?
If the answer to any of those is no, I know I’m not moving from truth, I’m moving from fear. And I’ve already done enough of that.
You don’t have to prove what’s already true. You just have to live it.
you can choose peace over performance
If you’re navigating your own transition and feel stuck in performance mode, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Start the Pre-Exit Audit Series to start making room for what’s next.