I Am Not My Job: What a Layoff Taught Me About Self-Worth

I didn’t see it coming…

In 2020, I was laid off just days before New York City enforced shelter-in-place orders because of COVID-19. There was no way to know if I’d ever get my job back.

I was on PTO that day–a mental health day that I had planned weeks before. Actually, I had been out all week with what was most likely COVID but there were no tests that early. I’m also pretty sure I caught it at an event I went to the last week of February. Or maybe in the waiting room for a routine doctor’s appointment that same week. But I digress.

There was a team All Hands meeting scheduled and even though I usually don’t work on my days off, this one seemed important. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was at the mall, Kings Plaza in Brooklyn, and went back to my car to take the call. I used my phone’s hotspot and tested it to make sure it worked. And it did.

But when I couldn’t log into the Zoom at the scheduled time, I knew something was wrong–and it wasn’t my connection. I texted a coworker “hey, are you on the call? I can’t log in.” She replied, “no. I’m not”. And that’s when I knew. “Let me call you real quick”, I told her. When she answered, she was distraught. Uh, oh.

And then I got a message, “we’ve been trying to reach you. Are you available at 1?” 

That call lasted maybe 15 minutes. I was surprisingly calm. Maybe it was because I had braced for the impact or maybe I was in shock. Maybe it was because I was also dealing with an issue at my apartment that was a bigger priority than being laid off, believe it or not.

The year before, I had a period of unemployment by choice–to grieve after my father’s passing. But this time was different–it wasn’t on my terms and I wasn’t in “control”. And not being in control of my career felt personal.

To be clear, I understood then and I still understand that this layoff wasn’t personal. It was a business decision. Yet, because two things can be true, I didn’t understand why I was impacted by this business decision over others. How did leadership choose the people who were cut first? And why was I one of them?

I was stuck on that “why me” loop for a while. I wanted to make sense of it. But I also knew it wasn’t healthy for me to be on that loop. It’s also unlike me to feel like a victim. So I worked through that with my therapist at the time.

Still, I didn’t just lose my job–I lost confidence in myself. Before the layoff, I had a solid sense of confidence in my work. It was where I felt the most capable and competent. But now? I wasn’t sure. Not just because the pandemic temporarily wiped out the meetings, events, and hospitality industry. But also because this was a lot of loss on top of a lot of loss.

When I job hopped in my 20s it was because I knew I could “always get another job”. If you told the 25 year old version of me that I’d lose a job for reasons outside of my control—twice—I wouldn’t have believed you. (More on that second time later). The layoff removed any idea I had in “job security” and left me questioning a lot.

Granted, there was also a global pandemic and I was dealing with some other personal things too, but 2020 was a turning point for me. It gave me an opportunity to pause. Not just pause, to stop. To stand still. To BE still. And despite the general collective chaos, that stillness gave me perspective.

With so much loss in my personal life and on a global level, I quickly realized that most of the “stuff” we care about doesn’t matter at all. Nothing matters.

I don’t mean to sound morbid or cryptic but it’s true. Well, maybe it’s not that “no thing” matters but there’s really not much that truly matters. And honestly? That’s when I realized that a job doesn’t truly matter.

Hear me out. One thing I learned from living and working in New York is that the streets are paved with gold. There’s a reason why they say if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. New York City builds your character. It’s where I got my grit. My endurance. My resilience.

I still remember my third day in the city in 2017. I was stuck underground on the B from Brooklyn to Midtown for two hours. On my second day at my new job. I had no service, no clue what to do. But everyone on the train, for the most part, was unbothered. Annoyed, but unbothered. Because in moments like those, there’s nothing you can do so you might as well be patient. And make sure you download your playlists and podcasts.

Back to 2020–there’s a lot of ways to make honest money without relying on a job. Without having to deal with company politics and low vibrations for a check. In the meantime, I did need that paycheck. But I knew that the way I showed up in corporate would never be the same.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that, through losing my job, I gained the opportunity to rebuild my confidence—not just in my work, but in myself as a whole.

When I finally started a new job a year later, I was worried about re-entering the workforce. I spent a year interacting only with those closest to me. Did I know how to socialize anymore? Did I remember how to navigate corporate? Would I do well in a 100% remote role?

I was also worried about what I had lost in the process. And honestly, I was worried that I had discovered something I didn’t want to lose.

That’s when I decided to take advantage of company-sponsored coaching sessions. As I said, I’ve worked with various therapists before, but coaching was new to me. At first, I wanted coaching to rebuild my confidence. But what I gained was so much more.

Through coaching, I realized I had the opportunity to redefine success on my own terms. My coach asked, “how do you see yourself 3 months from now, 6 months, a year?” And honestly? I didn’t know.

Not knowing what you want actually gets you closer to uncovering what you do want–because it’s one thing off the list.

I didn’t just want to regain confidence—I wanted to show up as my full, authentic self. No more shrinking. No more masking. Because sacrificing my authenticity for the illusion of “security” had already cost me enough.

But what did it look like to show up as my full, authentic self? Especially in the workplace. Was it safe to show up as myself?

And that’s where I learned about boundaries and how to enforce them. I got very clear on my values and my personal principles. And I also reminded myself that my worth comes from simply existing. I’m worthy because I am. Period.

So if you’ve been laid off and are questioning your worth, let me remind you: you are not your job. Your value doesn’t disappear because your role does. This can be an opportunity to rebuild your confidence, redefine what success means to you, and embrace the space to show up as your true self.

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