Top Expectations That Keep You From Moving Forward
A few months ago, I shared a post on social media: How trying to meet others’ expectations is keeping you stuck. And a few people DM’d me with stories about why this topic resonated with them.
So many people are living to meet the expectations of others – family, friends, colleagues, society. But at what cost?
So many people, especially women, think that others need their stability – their service – and often put themselves and their needs in the backseat.
Can you relate?
when expectations are unmet
I can’t remember where I first heard this phrase but it’s true: disappointment comes from unmet expectations. And it can be easy to project our disappointment on the person or thing that didn’t meet our expectations.
But how often do we actually voice our expectations of others… to them directly? Or do we even set realistic expectations to begin with?
You got the degree. You landed the “good job”. And yet, something still feels off. You’re showing up every day in a life that checks all the boxes on paper… except the ones that matter to you. The things that you value most.
For a lot of people, the idea of disappointing others is very difficult to live with and overcome. As humans, we seek acceptance and approval. And knowing that your actions caused someone to feel disappointed is a hard pill to swallow.
This might sound harsh, but we’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. Should we take accountability when our actions cause people to feel bad? Absolutely.
But feelings are fleeting. Someone might feel disappointed – even in you – today and feel hopeful the next.
Would you rather risk disappointing others… or risk betraying yourself?
Expectations vs obligations
Let’s talk about expectations vs obligations. There’s a difference.
The core difference between the two is that obligations are agreed-upon responsibilities. They’re usually explicit, rooted in roles, rules, or mutual agreements. They’re often required to sustain a relationship or role.
On the other hand, expectations are assumptions or desires. They are sometimes – if not often – unspoken.
They’re rooted in what someone hopes or assumes will happen, based on personal beliefs, societal norms, or emotional investment — not always fairness or mutual agreement.
The reality is that in relationships – platonic, professional, familial, romantic, etc. – there are some obligations. Things we do to nurture the connection.
In every relationship, obligations can depend on the specific structures or agreements. But in general, obligations can include:
In friendship: showing mutual respect and support, including maintaining confidentiality.
In the workplace: following the company’s code of conduct.
In family: caring for an aging parent if that’s part of your household structure.
In a romantic partnership: aligning on shared values, goals, or agreements you've made together.
Here’s how obligations can become expectations:
You might expect your friend to lend you money during a hard time. But unless you’ve both agreed that financial support is part of your friendship, they’re not obligated to.
Your manager might expect you to act a certain way (be more outgoing, conform to a specific style or "posture"). But unless it’s outlined in your role or code of conduct, that’s not an obligation — it’s their personal expectation.
You might feel expected to move in with or marry your partner because “it’s the next step” — even if you haven’t talked about what commitment truly looks like for both of you. But unless there’s a shared agreement, you’re not obligated to follow a timeline that doesn’t feel right.
You might feel expected to always put family first, even when it leaves little room for your own needs. But unless there’s a mutual agreement, you're not obligated to carry more than is yours to hold.
The key difference is obligations are what you've agreed to. Expectations are what others assume.
when expectations cause problems
If someone has an expectation of me that I did not agree to, I am not obligated to meet their expectation.
And I stand by this.
I am not a mind reader. So if you’re expecting something of me, you have to bring it to my attention. Otherwise, I didn’t agree to it.
The bigger issue is communication – I can write an entire post about that (and I probably will in the future).
Sometimes we’ll say things such as, “well, I shouldn’t have to tell so-and-so that this is what I expect. They should just know”. Until you explicitly speak on your expectations, assume that no one knows it’s what you expect.
Societal conditioning
I’ve always been interested in both psychology and sociology because it fascinates me how much our environments – at any given time – shape our experiences. And a lot of the expectations we try to meet are based on societal conditioning.
See, sometimes the expectations we’re trying to meet are ingrained in us. They’re traditional or long-standing, or safe.
But let’s be real, doesn’t society need a factory reset right about now?
Trying to live a life that looks “acceptable” to others will keep you stuck, especially when it no longer feels aligned, energizing, or sustainable.
Common expectations that keep you from moving forward
So, what are some of the most common expectations that keep people — especially women — from moving forward with intention?
Here are a few patterns I’ve seen (and lived):
1) Staying on a path that no longer fits (just to avoid disappointing others)
Someone reading this likely chose a career path — not because it felt aligned, but because they didn’t want to disappoint their parents. Maybe it fit at first. But your needs — and even your values — have changed. And still, you stay, even though you’ve outgrown it.
👉 How it keeps you stuck: You stop trusting yourself and rely on external validation.
2) Not making bold moves because you're afraid of what others will think
I know someone who took a six-month sabbatical and was mocked by someone in “leadership” for their choice. Thankfully, she didn’t let it stop her.
But how many people do stop — not because they’re unsure — but because they’re afraid of being judged?
I’ve made bold choices too. Shortly after my father passed away, I quit my job without another one lined up — something I’d always been told would “ruin” my career.
And a lot of my former colleagues thought I was moving back to my hometown in the Chicago area. Because to them, that’s the only reason why I would just quit my job without a backup plan.
Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that you quit your job without an exit strategy. But I am saying: don’t let fear of judgment be the only reason you stay.
👉 How it keeps you stuck: You end up living someone else’s version of success and feel disconnected.
By the way, this is where rebuilding self-trust matters. If that’s feeling hard, my Self-Trust Journal can help.
3) Making life decisions based on timelines, not alignment
I’m really tired of the renting a home vs owning online debate. Whether you pay rent or mortgage, it’s a housing expense.
When you own a home, you know what else are housing expenses? Taxes, interest, insurance, everything else. And for many people, renting is the best option for them.
I had a college professor who told us in class that he and his family bought a house they knew they couldn’t afford but thought they “should” own their home given both he and his wife had successful careers, and they were approved for the loan.
A couple of years later, their house went into foreclosure.
He told us this story with regret because he and his family were perfectly comfortable in the home that they were renting before then.
But in an effort to “keep up,” they made decisions based on fear of judgment.
👉 How it keeps you stuck: Fear takes the driver’s seat — fear of change, judgment, or doing it “wrong”
The pressure to meet others’ timelines isn’t purpose. Choosing what’s right for you right now is freedom, not failure.
What to do instead
Accept that you can’t please everyone…
…and you’re not supposed to. The truth is, no matter how much you give, someone will still want more. Truth be told, some people are never satisfied.
The goal isn’t to disappoint people. It’s to stop betraying yourself in the process.
Define your own core values.
What matters to you, not just to those around you. What are the things that matter most to you — not just in theory, but in practice?
What do you want your days to feel like? If your choices aren’t rooted in your values, they’ll always feel shaky.
Practice putting your needs first…
…outside of obligations. This isn’t selfish, even though people will definitely call you selfish. This is self-honoring.
You don’t have to go off the grid or ghost everyone. Sometimes it’s as simple as pausing before saying yes. Asking: What do I need right now?
Your SElf-trust journey
To choose yourself, you just have to stop waiting for permission. Letting go of others’ expectations doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’ve decided to live in alignment with your values instead of their projections.
And let’s be real, everyone projects their stuff onto others.
If you need support building the self-trust to stop waiting for permission to choose yourself, the Self-Trust Journal can help.
